Day 50, Round 4 - The Sudden Death Round

click this line if you can't hear the MIDI

Results of another recount in Washington State indicate that Democratic candidate for governor, Christine Gregoire now leads Republican candidate, Dino Rossi, by 10 votes, swamping Mr. Rossi's previous landslide victories of 261 votes and 42 votes, respectively. Republicans are screeching fraud and demand that the votes be counted yet again.

I don't understand, Boofy. Why do they keep counting?

Because they haven't got it right. 2.9 million votes were cast and Mr. Rossi won by 261 votes.

So he won?

No. Because state law requires that if the margin is less than .1 of .1 percent or something like that then the votes have to be recounted.

Oh. who counted them the first time?

A machine.

Oh. And who counted them the second time?

A machine.

The same one?

I doubt it. They probably had to make it a different machine to ensure its impartiality. Anyway, Mr. Rossi won again by 42 votes.

So he won?

No. Somebody found 700, apparently uncounted, votes stuffed under somebody's bed, so the Democrats paid for a hand recount.

Of the 700 ballots?

No. All 2.9 millions ballots.

Why all of them?

Accusations flew thick and fast that both machines had been manufactured by the same company that supplied machines to Ohio this year and Florida four years ago. It was decided that only a bunch of people counting the ballots by hand could maintain true impartiality. So now Ms. Gregoire is up by 10 votes.

So she won?

No. It turns out that the Republicans claim they've spoken to friends and neighbors whose votes weren't counted at all, though it's uncertain how one would know whether or not one's vote was counted. Anyway, they want another recount and petitioned the Supreme Court of the State of Washington who granted it.

Of the people whose votes weren't counted?

No. All 2.9 million.

I don't get it. Why do they keep counting the same votes over and over?

Because both sides claim they weren't counted right.

How hard can it be? It either says Rossi or Gregoire. You put all the ones for Rossi in one pile and all the votes for Gregoire in another. Then you count how many are in each pile. What am I missing here, Boof?

Not certain, Foofy. For more information on that, we go to our correspondent in the field Chocolata Almond Cookie. Chocolata, what can you tell us?

I'm standing outside the Supreme Court of the State of Washington reading a mandate from that court decreeing the votes be counted yet again. The Republicans say they'll pay for this round, flying in counters from Florida claiming they've the most experience in recounts. A crack team of vote counters led by a lady named...wait a minute, it's here somewhere (much riffling of paper) ...named Katherine Harris landed just minutes ago at Seatac Airport to begin the process.

So whoever they come up with will be the winner?

No. Democrats are claiming that Ms. Harris is too close to the question and has already shown a marked inability to get anything right where voting matters are concerned. They demand the Board of Directors of Fannie Mae count the votes.

Wait a minute, Chocolata. You mean the folks who announced they'd overstated their profits by some 20 billion dollars thereby sending ripples throughout the mortgage industry and possibly the world?

Anybody can make a mistake, Boofy. The point is. The Democrats think counters from Fannie Mae can give them the oomph they need to overcome any bad mojo sprinkled over the ballots from the Katherine Harris camp.

Where are the votes being kept right now, Chocolata?

In a lockbox awaiting arrival of additional ballots as soon as they're printed. A late report indicates that some 500 new and largely democratic ballots were found in a safe in the back room of a London Restaurant.

The Truffle guy?

One and the same. Seems once they cleaned out the truffle mess, they found the ballots, but didn't tell anybody because they stunk to high heaven. How those votes ended up there is unclear, although some suspect the restaurant's accountant of holding stock in munitions companies and therefore it would be in his best interest to have as many Republicans as possible running the United States Government.

Sounds an awful mess, Chocolata.

That it is, Foofy. Rossi wants Gregoire to concede and Gregoire wants the same from Rossi.

Oh. Then they do agree on at least one thing.

Yes, thank (insert Personal Higher Power here) for small blessings. There's already talk of flying in the U.S. Supreme Court to do the actual counting, since they were so good at dealing with a similar kerfuffle, some 4 years ago.

(rolls eyes)

At the moment advocates from both camps have barricaded themselves in the Counting Room holding four and twenty blackbirds hostage until some sense can be made of this tangle. Back to you, Boofy.

Nobody told me this job would entail so much damned math.

And now a word from our sponsor.

This just in, latest recount shows Ms. Gregoire ahead by 130 votes.

So SHE's the winner?

No. There have to be appeals and things.

Screw it! 130 Votes. Sounds like a mandate to me. What the hell were the issues anyway?

I think it involved turbot fishing...or is that tomorrow's fish story?

Never mind, Boofy. We're up, we may as well go to the Bunions' holiday party.

Holiday party? At the Bunions'? I never get the memos! Do you think it's still going on?

Is this a serious question? Nobody parties like the Bunions. Those gals will laugh at anything and everything...(pauses)...except serious stuff, of course.

Lead on! Let's get to that Egg Nog!

Night , folks!

Kill the midi, Boof.